A Note from Ellen

At Nate’s briss, my mother turned to me and said, “Now all I have to do is to live to see Nate’s Bar Mitzvah.” Just under three years later, my father suddenly and unexpectedly passed away.

I always knew I wanted to raise my child with a sense of belonging to the Jewish faith, but now, this certainty of his becoming a Bar Mitzvah created a whole new landscape. What would this mean to me? To him? To our family? Neither Sam nor I had grown up in particularly observant households, let alone had either of us been Bar or Bat Mitzvah’d.

The decade that followed has been a journey in itself of learning about myself, knowing my child and discovering how being Jewish ties into my hopes and dreams for my own life and my family’s. And if this journey has had a series of guides to lead my course, I’d have to point to City and Country School, which Nate has attended since he was two, as my first guiding light. It’s here that I was able to discover the magic of  “learning from children” – and what an incredible teacher Nate could be. Adhering to the school’s belief that even the smallest person is a  “whole” person deserving of respect, it somehow got beaten into my consciousness that following Nate’s lead would be my best path to becoming the best mother for him. It hasn’t been an easy lesson to learn. In fact, it seems I need daily reminders that he’s got his life under control  — and he complies beautifully, exhibiting self-confidence, inner wisdom and utter patience with Mom.  Hopefully,  with only one more year at C&C to go,  I’ll take the message to heart.

Over the last couple of years, as the idea of his Bar Mitzvah has become a reality, we’ve had several family discussions – some perplexing, some uncomfortable, some head-on and heated – about why we were doing this. Naturally, Sam’s, Nate’s and my ideas of how to mark this occasion were often legions apart. Why can’t it just be for kids? Why does it have to be so big? Why do we have to do it at all? Here’s what it came down to: Each and every one of you has touched Nate’s life in some meaningful way to help chart his course. And we’re so grateful for that. Isn’t it amazing and wonderful to have an opportunity to have us all come together?  Isn’t it grand to not only be able to recognize Nate’s hard work, but to also create a moment when we can all happily share in each other’s company and achievements?  I am so proud of Nate and the incredible person he is. But I am also in absolute awe and appreciation for how much each of you has done for all of us. And Nate, Sam or I mustn’t overlook that. Let’s party! Let’s have a great time! This is our thank you to all of you.

The third leg of this journey has maybe been the most challenging one for me:  What’s the “Jewish” part of all of this? Isn’t striving to be a good parent, create a good family and bring up a good person just something everyone wants? Isn’t this just about life, not about Judaism?  I have to thank the wonderful clergy at Central Synagogue – in particular, Rabbi Peter Rubinstein and Cantor Angela Buchdahl — for helping me sort this out. And, with apologies up front to Peter and Angela for my not being the most scholarly nor religious Jew around, here’s what I’ve come up with: Connecting to Judaism doesn’t have to mean becoming more “Jewish,” but becoming more Jewish means becoming a better person and a better family.

So, with that in mind, I celebrate my family, I celebrate all of you… I celebrate Nate, his commitment to his beliefs and dreams, to the very person he is now and will become.

With love,
Ellen